


Don't Leave Me

by KiraWaters



Category: Final Fantasy X, Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe, Coping, Depression, Happy Ending, M/M, Suicide Attempt, War, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 08:09:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4012213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiraWaters/pseuds/KiraWaters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Are you okay, Roxas? Sora wanted me to check on you." He was sobbing, Roxas realized he was fucking sobbing when Riku walked in. "Do you need to go home." There was pressure on the stall door, but he had locked it so he wouldn't be disturbed. "Roxas, open the door before I kick it in."</p><p>Yes, all he wanted was to leave and get into bed and die. "No." He choked out before retching into the bowl once more. "Sora's...happy. I...I'm fine Riku. I just...I have a headache."</p><p>The door shook slightly before Riku cursed, "Roxas open the damn door."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Leave Me

_"Do you know how illegal this is?" An electrifying stare almost made a long, pale hand drop the can of black paint in surprise. Blonde hair, soft and spiky but soothing to look at for whatever reason._

_Crimson hair was thrown over a bony shoulder before a gloved hand reached out to the smaller man. "It's not illegal if you don't get caught, right."_

_Roxas wanted to open his mouth and tell the weird man that just because he didn't get caught didn't make it illegal. Those jaded, green eyes stared back at him with a wicked amusement hidden there. He knew the other man already knew his actions were uncalled for. Instead, Roxas let himself be pulled from the bridge so he could better look at the work._

_In jagged, sharp letters were the words, 'NO MORE WAR'. It was on the side of the police building since there were no other buildings in the area that were from the government. "It would look better with red in it." Red like the man's hair, red like the blood spilled over seas, red like the setting sun._

_Axel grinned and looked over at the lettering before pulling another can out of his bag. "I thought the same thing."_

_That was how they met that night, and eventually they were sitting in a cafe across from one another glaring at the other's food. "Strawberry..."_

_"Chocolate..."_

_That was the most they said for the rest of the night._

"Happy birthday!" Sora burst through the front door holding alcohol and cups. Riku followed at a much slower, less energetic pace. He was carrying a cake with some weird writing on it. "It's your twenty first!"

Roxas looked up slowly blinking away the tears. He didn't want his twin to see him in this state on the best day of his life. Well, it was supposed to be the best anyway. "You're early." His voice cracked but Sora didn't seem to notice as he bounced over. "Thanks."

Alcohol was shoved into his hands and he tried to recompose himself quickly before anyone noticed. Riku ruffled his hair earning a hard glare and a swat. "You're finally catching up."

Roxas pulled a package out from behind the couch and presented it to his twin. Of course he couldn't forget something for the brunette that ran his life. "Happy birthday, shit head."

Sharing a birthday wasn't always inconvenient. It was times like this he was more then pleased that he had someone to spend this day with. Sora tora into the package with an energy Roxas had never seen before. He pulled a necklace out of the box before squealing, not very appealing to the other two people's ears, before throwing himself at Riku.

"Put it on me now!" Riku looked at the small chain before grinning knowingly. A crown, to replace the one Roxas broke two years ago. He did as asked before Sora ran into the bathroom to check his new accesory out.

"It isn't hard to please him." Riku scoffed trying to keep the amusement toned down. His sideways glance at Roxas made the male's skin prickle. "How are you doing?"

How could he be doing? Roxas forced one of those tired smiles before nodding slowly, "I am doing well." That's what he told Sora, the therapist, Namine, his parents. Anyone who asked got the same response. 

"Sora wants you to come out with us to the bar. Will you consider it?"

Roxas had no plans of leaving his house. He nodded slightly knowing how much it meant to Sora if he was there. "I don't want to drink though."

"Understandable."

No, his first drink was supposed to be with someone else. It was supposed to wait until he came home. Roxas bit his lip as tears threatened to spill down his cheeks once more. "Let me get dressed then."

Riku didn't comment on how the tears stained Roxas' cheeks as he passed him to get to his room, nor did he comment on how messy the apartment was, or how thin Roxas was getting. He chose to ignore these things for the sake of Roxas' sanity and the twin was very grateful that Riku was not one to pry into his personal life. As long as Sora wasn't involved Riku let him have his moments and that was all that mattered.

The boxes were open on his floor, empty and boring. Roxas stared dully at them as he tried to find something to put on that fit his mood. He didn't own clothes dark enough for his mood. Walking towards his closet he stubbed his toe on the dresser and fell onto his bed cursing like a sailor.

 

_"If you watched where you're walking you'd get hurt less." This was his apartment and he would not reorganize for a new body._

_Axel glowered at the side of the dresser as if it had feelings and could feel the way he stared at it. "That piece of shi..."_

_Roxas lay next to the crimson haired man with a wicked smile, "Are you hurt badly?"_

_"Shut it." Axel grimaced holding his foot._

_Roxas rolled his eyes and planted his lips against Axel's soft ones, "Don't be such a baby. Now are you going to finish what you started with me, or am I going to the store for some ice cream because my boyfriend can't deliver?"_

_They both froze at his words and Roxas made a beeline for the door. Axel was faster, stronger, and soon they were both lying on the bed, Axel on top of him with that possessive stare. "What did you say?"_

_Roxas refused to stare back into the eyes he;'d come to memorize the past few months. He was blushing furiously but the look was fitting. "Nothing."_

_Axel wiggled his hips excitedly, almost like a dog would. "Did you just call me your boyfriend?"_

_"No!" Roxas sputtered angrily. "I was making a point!"_

_Their lips met passionately and Axel chuckled as smaller hands wound into his hair. "Date me, Roxas."_

_"K."_

 

Maybe he would get rid of it just because of that. Roxas blinked twice before he realized someone was calling his name. Sora was standing in the doorway looking bored. "Can we go now? I mean, I know you love that piece of wood but let's have fun!"

Riku must have told him he accepted the invitation. "Yea."

That was how Roxas found himself on the way to the bar on his and Sora's twenty first birthday. He had no desire to be out, no desire to drink, but he had every desire to shut the world out and drown his sorrows in something other then this shit life. What else could he do when it came to his annoying twin though? Sora wasn't one to give up easily. 

Riku let them out at the doors of the club so he could park the car without his boyfriend's chattering in his ear. Roxas and Sora got in easily being that Wakka was the door man and Tidus threw a good word in for them. Tidus even mentioned VIP, but Roxas hoped that wasn't the case because it meant acting more important then he felt right now.

"Isn't this awesome?"

The room was crowded, the air thick with smoke and sweat, neon lights hurt his head, and people were trashed off their ass. This was not Roxas' idea of a good time but he smiled and nodded. He didn't want to ruin Sora's night because of his slightly bitter mood. Still, the blonde didn't think he would ever make it to a place like this without him. Sighing he ran a hand through his hair and hoped to God he looked more energetic then he felt.

Sora sat down in a booth as he pushed through throngs of people. The smell of sweat and alcohol went straight to Roxas' head and he felt dizzy. He already felt like throwing up and he hadn't even drank anything. Riku joined them just as Sora was returning with three drinks. Roxas opened his mouth to tell his brother he wouldn't be drinking, but the cup was shoved into his hands and he couldn't tell the beaming Sora 'no'. Riku almost looked sympathetic before downing his drink in one go and offering to get another.

It took four drinks and Sora was trashed. Roxas was on his third and riku had only had two but he seemed just as calm and laid back as usual. Roxas envied how normal he could look even if he didn't always feel it. "Roxas! I love you so muuuuch!" Sora slurred pulling his brother into a bone crushing hug.

The boys hugged awkwardly for only a moment before Roxas wiggled free and smiled softly, "Love you too." It was nice to have a brother always by his side, but he missed the things Sora had access too. Shooting a glance at Riku he felt his heart fall again before standing. "Bathroom." He was going to puke.

"Need me to come, Rox?" Sora didn't look as if he could stand on his own. 

"No." And the boy hurried off to find a stall to empty his stomach into. 

 

_"Are you seriously mad at me? This is supposed to be a good thing! I'm making something of myself!"_

_"Yea, a dead man!" Roxas shouted, tears springing to his eyes. "You can't fucking do this without talking to me!" What happened to 'peace' and 'no more wars'!"_

_Axel's face went cold, his emerald gaze narrowed. "I don't need fucking permission from you to do things. This is something you can accept or you can fuck off." I've grown up Roxas, and maybe you should do the same damn thing."_

_They weren't supposed to fight like this! They were supposed to be happy and be together forever! Roxas stared at the man in front of him in dread, worry, and surprise. Axel looked guilty immediately after saying it but they both had hard heads and short tempers._

_"Fine, then I'll leave." Roxas whispered coldly. He was begging those unshed tears to stay in his eyes for ten more seconds. He turned, half expecting Axel to grab his waist and pull him back. He always fixed their fights, he always made it better._

_"Fine." It never happened._

 

Axel's face clouded his vision as he retched into the dirty, toilet bowl. Roxas almost didn't want his face this close to the bowl. He was crying, he could feel the tears slipping off his cheeks and down his chin, but he didn't have the energy to care. Why did he think it would go away just because he was drinking? Why did he think he could elude all thoughts of that red haired man even  if he'd been doing this to himself for a year now? This wouldn't make him come back. Destroying himself wouldn't bring him back, so why couldn't he just let himself move on?

 

_"You want me to fuck you?" Axel's gaze was hesitant, as if he were unsure of what was being asked._

_"One last time before we declare this over." Roxas was wearing a tight, white t shirt and cargo shorts, and Axel's eyes still ran his body hungrily. He seemed to be contemplating something, but Roxas didn't have time to figure it out. "Deal or not?" If he didn't get an answer he might forget the reason he had come back to this apartment._

_Axel's face hardened and all emotion was gone. The fluttering sensation Roxas felt turned to dread and he worried the man would tell him no. He needed one more taste or he would never get to move on. He opened his mouth to plead, but before he managed to say anything lips were against his and a tongue invaded his mouth. Smoke, mint, and syrup. The odd tasting things that made Axel unique suddenly took over his sensations all at once._

_Roxas felt himself being shoved into the wall behind him and Axel tore his shirt off. Roxas didn't want this to be normal, didn't want this to be nice or pleasant. He needed a clean break if he was going to go through with this. He broke away from the kiss and bit into Axel's shoulder earning a low hiss from the man. His intentions clearly being shown._

 

"Are you okay, Roxas? Sora wanted me to check on you." He was sobbing, Roxas realized he was fucking sobbing when Riku walked in. "Do you need to go home." There was pressure on the stall door, but he had locked it so he wouldn't be disturbed. "Roxas, open the door before I kick it in."

Yes, all he wanted was to leave and get into bed and die. "No." He choked out before retching into the bowl once more. "Sora's...happy. I...I'm fine Riku. I just...I have a headache."

The door shook slightly before Riku cursed, "Roxas open the damn door."

 

_He tasted blood, felt blood slide down his back from the nails digging into his skin relentlessly. This was his punishment, his hatred for the man biting into his neck and across his chest. Roxas let out a whiny moan before Axel shoved his hand down the front of his pants. Axel was cold, didn't speak nor moan his name as he normally would at this point._

 

Roxas didn't remember the blade in his hands. He wasn't even sure where he pulled it from, but he remembered Riku taking his shirt off to press it against his left wrist. Pain, why didn't he feel the pain? "Shit..." He was being lifted and hurried out of the bathroom. 

Riku was wearing a black tank top but even he didn't notice the bite of the cold air. Roxas closed his eyes to listen to the slow beating of the man's heart. Maybe he wasn't as worried as he made himself look then. The car was speeding down the street, taking every turn like a roller coaster would. Riku didn't even stop for the red lights. 

"Roxas, please talk to me." That was Sora's voice. Soft, soothing and always sweet. "Please talk..." He sounded worried, like he was holding back tears.

Roxas moved into the heat still not really seeing his surroundings. The pain was biting now, pulling him into the darkness and he shivered in delight. "I miss him."

__

_A few times he tried to coax another kiss out of Axel, but the man always turned his head away or found another piece of Roxas' skin to bite. He was being hard, a cold lover. This wasn't the man he'd fallen in love with, but it was the man he'd first met. It was the punk vandalizing the police station because of his hatred of war. This was a man he didn't know and it was terrifying but at the same time thirlling._

_"Ah!" A cry of pain tore from Roxas' bruised throat as Axel thrust into him without warning. He was pushed up into the wall, legs wrapped around the man's waist as he thrust harshly and without thinking._

_Pain, pain that never melted into pleasure. The first few tears went unnoticed but as they began sliding down Axel's shoulder and back he froze. He was making him cry, he was hurting him, no._

 

People were talking all around him and he heard Axel's name more then once. Sora was pale, Riku was exhausted looking. Roxas didn't know or understand but he wanted them to leave him alone. People were prying, asking, always asking. Sora was talking to their parents, screaming and crying about his wrist. He wasn't trying to kill himself though. Why did people keep saying suicide? He'd been cutting for months but no one called that suicide.

"Do you know where you are, Roxas?" That was a nurse of some sort.

The alcohol must have been hitting him hard because his world was still spinning. "No." He muttered leaning back on the bed. He was tired and wanted to sleep. Why wouldn't they let him sleep?

 

_"What do you want from me?" Axel's voice was pained with overflowing emotion. He wasn't moving anymore but his expression had changed. He was scared, worried, and tired. "What do you want?"_

_Roxas pulled Axel's chest to his and cried into his shoulder, "I don't want you to leave me! I don't want you to go."_

_This wasn't the time to laugh but Axel couldn't help the slight chuckle that escaped his lips. "I will never leave you, Roxas. I will always come home to you."_

_"Kiss me." He pleaded softly._

_Axel complied this time and met the boy's lips sweetly. There was no biting this time, no blood, just passion and kindness. Roxas felt his body burn with desire and he rocked his hips lightly in silent permission for Axel to continue. The man complied instantly and moved slower, gentler so as to not hurt Roxas anymore._

 

It'd been two weeks and he could only hide the mark of his 'suicide' with long sleeves and jackets. His classmates started treading water around him, even his teachers looked at him with sympathy. It was something that annoyed yet pleased Roxas at the same time. The looks of sympathy were something he could live without but he didn't mind being left alone. Sora tried to talk with him once or twice, but Roxas kept pushing him away to the point where even Riku was sick of his shit.

After they're first fight Sora promised he wouldn't mess with Roxas anymore unless his brother asked him for help. Roxas was forced to go to therapy everyday, he'd been forced to move back in with his parents, and he was told that if any other incidents occurred they would have to send him to a facility. There was no way in hell he would let that happen. Still, it didn't stop the dreams nor did it stop Axel's voice from entering his mind every once in a while. 

It was for this reason that Roxas had taken to street fighting at night. He made money, but he honestly didn't give a shit about the money. He liked the pain, the ability to control a fight and feel something for once in his life besides anger and hurt. These fights reminded him of Axel and sometimes he felt like the other was standing right next to him. 

"Roxas, may I speak with you after class?" He'd missed his homework once more. He would be lucky if they didn't drop him from his creative writing class. 

The lecture went on and on making Roxas put his head back on his desk. Sora sent him a worrying glance before going back to doing what he was doing before. Probably playing footsie with Riku under the desks. The thought made his stomach turn in jealousy. What was that old saying after all, 'misery loved company'? Roxas was just starting to believe it. 

 

_"You're going to write books while I'm away right?" They were standing in the airport. Roxas was trying to look apathetic but it came out as more of a pout. He didn't want to admit Axel knew him better then he let on. "I want short stories in all of my letters ok?"_

_Roxas wiped a teary eye, "Fine. But don't think you're going to get any smut! I'm with holding all senses of sex until you come home."_

_Axel could only grin as he placed a soft kiss on his boyfriends' lips. "We both know you need sex as much as I do. We'll see how long it lasts before I have you writing me the best smut."_

_"Oh shut up."_

_"Flight 32 now boarding." And that was his cue to go._

_Axel looked back once with a small grin, "Three months, Roxas. I'll be back in three months. I love you."_

_He was gone seconds later._

 

He was told he had a new challenger. Roxas didn't think he had it in him to try a fresh fight, but he stood nonetheless. "The payout is insane!" Vanitas goaded punching his hand with his fist. "You better accept!"

Roxas didn't care about the payout. What he did care about was the fact his muscles weren't begging for him to drop dead. He was going to give up when he hit the concrete and he couldn't get back up. Walking out into the make shift arena Roxas stretched his muscles and wiped the blood from his chin. There was no way in hell he would show any weakness right off the bat. 

The man he was facing off against was insanely tall and wore all black. He even had a black and red bandanna around the bottom half of his face. He didn't notice the emerald gaze until he was close enough to punch him. He was distracted then and a fist came faster then Roxas could react. He felt the attack go straight into his rib cage and he backed off immediately feeling something crack. This man was stronger then he looked to be. 

Roxas eyed him carefully and scowled, "It's odd that someone doesn't want to talk during a match." His opponent stayed silent, "Can't say much for your conversation starters." Roxas growled after receiving no reply once more.

The man moved towards him and the blonde lashed out quickly. He feigned a punch to the left before kicking his right foot up and quickly realizing the stranger didn't even have to move to throw him on his back. Rocks dug into his shoulders, his elbows were scuffed, and his body couldn't take much more but he felt damn good. Roxas moved to sit up but he was being straddled suddenly and the man moved forward to whisper in his ear. "Come find me, Roxy."

That voice. He stood and walked away from the arena making Roxas move double time to catch up with him. Vanitas tried to catch his arm on the way out, but he ducked under the arm and took off for the alley. No, he'd heard him he had to have heard him. 

 

_"His troop was attacked and he went missing. We've had no word for a month. There is a good possibility he won't be returning." The men held a flag, boots, and his name tags. How had they gotten those? What if he didn't make it back?_

_Sora held him from behind as Roxas fell to the floor unable to comprehend what was happening. He'd said three months which meant he had to come back. His heart, was it really breaking? This had to be some sick joke and Axel would come out of the bushes soon enough. He would come through he just had to! "No!" The tears finally came and Roxas sobbed for hours._

_Axel had disappeared and there was no bringing him back. How could three months turn into eternity though?_

 

"Stop!"

The man was in front of him, bandanna discarded and hood pulled down. "You swore I'd have something to come back to, Roxas."

It was him. He knew that voice, he had dreams about that voice every night for the past year. "You...you...went missing."

Axel turned to face him, eyes gleaming dangerously with anger. "You gave it a damn good try though, didn't you? Why didn't you just wait you idiot?"

Roxas didn't want to fight! He ran towards Axel and threw his arms around the man he'd been destroying his life over. Tears streamed down his cheeks and he felt his lover's body relax under his touch before warm arms encircled his body and Roxas felt safe for the first time since Axel left.

"I told you I would always come back." The man's voice was much softer now. "You should have believed me."

Roxas hit the others chest weakly. "A year...a whole year. Why didn't you....why a year?" 

Axel chuckled lightly and his hand found the cut on the others' wrist. "I didn't mean to hurt you so badly." He sounded pained that Roxas could have died. "Please, please don't ever do it again."

"Never!" And Roxas found his lips pressed against Axel's in a much needed kiss. 

After all, his love was home. What reason would he have to ever leave?

**Author's Note:**

> I know I have another piece to work on and this is me building motivation to get up there. I promise I'll get an update soon. For now, I had to write about my babies. I don't own any of the characters all goes to Square.


End file.
